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New Biskit Baba cartoon after the stunning victory of Aam Aadmi Party in the Delhi Assembly Elections.

Biskit Baba - Rishte mein to hum tumhare AAP lagte hain
Biskit Baba - Rishte mein to hum tumhare AAP lagte hain

Image: Biskit Baba

5

As the magic 49 number of days of Modi sarkar comes to a close, it has been a good journey. Looking back at some of the hilarious points of what is fast coming to be known as the U-Turn sarkar.

Should India be entertaining Pakistani VIPs if there is conflict at the border?

That is how the Modi sarkar began. Before, Modi had only contempt for Manmohan Singh's sarkar that apparently did not retaliate strongly enough to Indian soldiers being killed at the border. That too, in Telugu, it seems.

Modi blasts Manmohan Singh for taking killings at the LoC lightly
Modi blasts Manmohan Singh for taking killings at the LoC lightly

Modi himself had refused the evil Pakistanis in a massive demonstration of patriotic solidarity. Little did Dr. Manmohan Singh know that when people say his silence was a problem, they mean it. He could have tried something as simple as inviting Pakistan's Prime Minister for an important national function. Like so:

Modi on LoC conflicts and relations with Pakistan before and after
Modi on LoC conflicts and relations with Pakistan before and after

Or perhaps I may be wrong, and this may not be a patriotic move so much as the first installment on the election campaign expenses. Even as the poor beheaded jawan's wife was protesting. Sometimes greater good has to be seen.

Modi's sponsor Adani wants to sell power to Pakistan
Modi's sponsor Adani wants to sell power to Pakistan

But at least Modi was right about the other borders I think. Illegal Bangladeshis are such a nuisance. Modi was right to threaten to deport them

Bangladeshis were to be deported before elections
Bangladeshis were to be deported before elections

 

but there is a problem. After all, he'd just invited their Prime Minister for his coronation. So he at least tried to get rid of the "illegal" from it, if not deporting.

Visa-free entry to Bangladeshis under 18 years and over 65 years
Visa-free entry to Bangladeshis under 18 years and over 65 years

The solution was so simple, one must really wonder why Dr. Mannu never thought of it. Simply allow them visa free entry - voila! Now they can stay where they are legally!!!

This Modi sarkar is pure genius, I tell you.

What about that evil Gandhi bloodline (excluding the pure blood of Varun Gandhi, BJP). Dr. Subramanian Swamy had Priyanka Gandhi red handed. Multiple DINs! That evil witch and that Karti Chidambaram!!!

 

Appropriately terrified, Priyanka Gandhi confessed to making multiple applications and offered to pay the fine (and nicely ignored the jail time, thank you very much).

But wait. That was before. Now that Modi sarkar is in place, the greater efficiency showed that Priyanka Vadra may have applied as many times as she liked, but the super efficient (retrospectively as well) Ministry of Corporate affairs had actually issued her only one DIN. What a DIN about DINs. Just like Nitin Gadkari (No, you can't check now, the extra DINs nicely show "not yet issued" now that a better government is in place.)

Oops! Priyana Vadra and Karti Chidambaram had only one DIN each
Oops! Priyana Vadra and Karti Chidambaram had only one DIN each. Fooled ya!

Modi sarkar had Vadra terrified while UPA2 was in rule.

Vadra security privileges - before
Vadra security privileges - before

Then, as they campaigned, they probably thought a panicked Vadra would fight too hard to defeat them, so they kinda.... reassured.

Action against Vadra or no? Election Campaign
Action against Vadra or no? Election Campaign

And never let it be said BJP goes back on its word. Robert Vadra remains unscathed.

What about Robert Vadra's security exemptions?
What about Robert Vadra's security exemptions?

They had even terrified the couple together. Imagine losing security privileges and having to go through security checks at airports? I bet the couple lost sleepless nights.

Modi Sarkar has brought acche din to the country.

Jaitlet had thought that the Income Tax exemption slab should be raised to 5 lakh before the elections. Now that he got to present the budget, he raised it to 2.5 lakh.

 

What should the IT exemption slab be? Beore and after
What should the IT exemption slab be? Beore and after

Hey! No need to get outraged! If you ignore the decimal point, 25 is five times 5.

What about investments in railways?

Everything perfect on that front. Just watch.

What about the railways? Before and after
What about the railways? Before and after

We have no hesitation in telling you that UPA2 would have totally messed up the privatization of railways and FDI, but now that it is a BJP sarkar and BJP no longer plays dog in the manger with the government, many things that UPA2 wanted to do are now possible without BJP staging a walkout against itself.

Still not convinced? You are a cynical sickular. Try this.

Modi railway hike before and after
Modi railway hike before and after

Oh wait. I meant this.

uday-lalit-amit-shah-after

Amazing, isn't it, the things you can do when you can get a dozen newspapers to publish near identical articles without sources that can push things that happened before the election aside? Like this one?

Did Uday Lalit represent Amit Shah? Before
Did Uday Lalit represent Amit Shah? Before

There are many, many such gems. And you cannot blame BJP. After all, they have delivered the only real promise they made before the election - Modi as PM. To avoid confusion, they even avoided publishing a manifesto as far as possible.

So you really cannot claim that they cannot do U-Turns.

Welcome to the opening innings of U-Turn sarkar. May the remaining period be as hilarious as so far... and may worries about the country never plague your dazzled brain.

Note: This post actually has a lot of things missing (mostly because I got tired of doing screenshots). Feel free to nominate your favorites to this collection in the comments. I will update as and when I am back in the mood to play screenshot-screenshot.

Some ideas to get you started. Google up what Jaitley thought about declassifying the Henderson Brooks report on the 1962 war before and after the elections

Arun Jaitley's U-Turn on the Henderson Brooks report on the 1962 war
Arun Jaitley's U-Turn on the Henderson Brooks report on the 1962 war

or Aadhaar cards, or.... you get the idea? Or you could try non-specific U-Turns like strict action against criminal politicians, inflation, using ordinances in non-emergencies and the infamous "Acche Din"!

Let's see what you come up with.

You're welcome.

1

Friends, family and dear beloved fans. It is a sad day for humanity. A very expensive dearly cherished vehicle is no more. We shall mourn its sad demise.

I understand that the leading question in everyone's mind is how. Well, a car like this has a mind of its own, and it used to like to go on drives. That day, as it was leaving, I did my best to stop it, but it wouldn't take no for an answer, so I sent a security detail after it to protect the driver. No there was no driver. This was a very expensive car, you understand? It had self drive.

Who was the chap who got out of it?

No one. No one got out of the car. It was a hologram. The company said it was a feature for third world countries where people may be shocked by a car that drove itself (Haven't you watched "Love Bug", idiot?). So the car had this feature installed, where after a crash, a hologram shows a person exiting it safely, so that people don't worry. Also people can be a bit rattled after an accident and imagine a young man got out of my Aston Martin, if they aren't used to self drive.

My Aston Martin drives itself. Which is why it crashes sometimes. Artificial Intelligence is so unreliable in 3rd world countries. So this car was in the habit of going on drives, and this turned out to be its last one.

*phone buzzes* One minute. *Checks message*

So like I was saying, there was the driver in the car who was an ex-fighter plane pilot (you must admit it is pretty atriotic to employ ex servicemen) and he tried an outside loop, because he saw the security detail and thought it was a dogfight. So anyway, in the middle of this Outside loop, a car came into his way from nowhere. The police are trying to find out the motives of the people in this car trying to prevent a patriotic pilot from practicing his moves. Alas, as it often happens with rich victims like this car, the truth is likey to forever remain hidden.

Anyway, under the circumstances, we did the best we could. We protected the driver who TOTALLED my beautiful Aston Martin (Gandhi, you owe me one) and we saved the underpaid and overburdened police the added burden of interrogating yet another witness to this spirited car's mishap. If my driver totals the car, last thing I'd want is to leave him there for the police to hold him responsible for my precious Aston Martin. Whenever my driver totals my Aston Martin, his security's brief is to protect him. Forget it already. It is procedure.

We did the best we could, recognizing that us elites have an added responsibility of making the lives of the less fortunate, easier.

Who was driving the car?

Are I told you na! No one was driving. You think this would have happened if someone was driving? He was off duty behind the wheel. Driver. He confessed too, once he realized he had harmed an innocent car. What's his name? Bansi something.

What about your son?

My son is out of the country and unavailable for comment. The accident feature hologram had been designed to look like him as a mark of honor.

*phone buzzes* Just a minute. *Checks message*

 What accident were you asking about? The Maruti 800 that upturned two cars on Peddar road? I have no idea. I don't drive cheap cars. My own car is fine. It is in a garage in Dubai. We have changed its nameplate to protect its privacy. Media has no ethics these days. They had printed the story of the demise of my beloved Aston Martin. Imagine!

No no, the car is fine, the son is fine. Both are abroad. No comment on whether they are together or vacationing separately. No one trashed my Aston Martin. I was just trying to console you because *you* were worried about some Aston Martin. He doesn't even sound Indian.

I hope the matter is now clear and you can proceed to the next outrage instead of inventing some Aston Martin accident... There are serious crimes happening like young children traumatized by traffic police:

tricyce in the back of a traffic police pick up
In a shocking incident, a child who had parked his tricycle in a no parking zone was in for a rude shock when police towed it away.

-Image courtesy @news_houndz

A parable about how rituals are born and what they become when they are done for any other reason than the result of the action being performed.

There was once a great zen master of fame far and wide. He had created a school of sorts and disciples flocked from far and wide to be with him. Such was his influence, that his word became a guideline for them to follow. The most important thing he claimed to have taught to the masses was, "Think for yourself!"

backlit silhouette of a monk praying
Monk at prayer in monastery

One day, as the master and students began their morning meditation, the guard dog started barking. No reason could be ascertained, and the dog wouldn't quiet. To restore calm and bring proceedings back on track, the master suggested to his favourite pupil, that the dog be tied in a storeroom at the other end of the building from where, his barking would not disturb them.

On the next day, the same thing happened, and the same solution was followed. On the third, the students, unwilling for their master to be bothered by such a trivial matter regularly, tied up the dog in its designated place on their own.

With the passage of time, it became an automatic procedure. The dog used to be tied in the distant storeroom for the duration of the morning meditation session.

Years passed, and the master, who was already old, at the beginning of our story passed away. A star student of his returned from a distant land to take his place. Disciples came and went, but the dog continued to be tied in the storehouse for the duration of every morning's meditation.

Years passed, and the dog, who was a mere puppy at the beginning of our story passed away too. A new dog was brought to be tied in his place during the morning meditations. Scientific explanations of the benifits of tying a dog in a distant storeroom during morning meditations were proved to be right by the intellectuals of this new school of thought.

And the biggest learning they claimed to learn from the ways of the great departed master was, "Think for yourself!"

6

Like Krishna came to the rescue of Draupadi, Yamraj protects Sati victims. Beware!

The master artist Stupidosaur exposes the hidden workings of divine justice. It is rumored that these apply for all murders.

And thus, my friends, the practice of killing innocents may be injurious to your health.

Gifted in the cause of Violence Against Women Awareness Month (October) 2011 by the famous Stupidosaur of the Stupido Comics fame