To the people – Issued in Public Interest

Dear People,

Our country is seeing an unprecedented incidences of rapes. Obviously, people are making a big deal out of this. They want to be safe even in the presence of criminals. This is an unreasonable expectation, when they themselves are to blame for getting raped.

If you notice carefully, you will see that it is women who get raped. If there were no women, there would be no rape. Such simple logic that stupid people like you cannot understand. You are doing so well with the killing of little girls, women and so on. It is only a matter of time before women don’t get raped. Why can’t you have a little patience and stay at home?

Now you will have those human rights hypocrites saying that women get raped at home also. How are the police responsible for that? Do the police stay in your home? Whose fault it is for living in that neighbourhood, or being born in a rapists family? Did I ask you to do that? Don’t blame the police for all your troubles. We are just doing our jobs. If you take risks, you will get raped. We are doing our best to solve this problem at the soonest, and we request your assistance by not making such a fuss and spoiling our human rights reputation.

We have a temporary solution while women still work. Stop employing them after 8pm. Is that so hard? They can work all day. Only not after 8pm. It will prevent all the work related rapes that happen in the night. Hard working, moral women should be protected from rape. People who go to restaurants, movies, malls and pubs should stop such promiscuous activities immediately.

Why can’t you understand that when rapists roam the streets, if they see no women, they will rape no women? Why do you insist on going and standing in front of them and inviting them to rape you? Just let them be. Rapists are active after 8pm, and we should leave the city to them if we are serious about stopping crime. Stop inviting rape. Get out of their way. They are citizens too, and we can’t stop them from asserting their freedoms. It is not legal. It is written in the constitution, understand? They would not be criminals if you didn’t get yourself raped. Does MacDonalds come home and force feed you?

We are in the process of special body orifices locks that can only be opened with the correct code issued by the Labour Department. Once they are issued, you will be free to roam the streets, because no one will be able to rape you without the Labour Department’s permission, which will not be easy to obtain [*cough* Rs.500/- *cough*] and you must submit your sexual schedule and husband’s contact information in advance if you are . Till then, you must accommodate the rights of rapists. Most of the day, you will be able to work (dress modestly please) and you must be fair and leave the nights to the rapists or you are making the city dangerous. We will try and help you by not registering cases if the rapists go out of control even if you take these precautions, but you must do your bit by not getting raped first.

And we are very fair. Our policemen will help enforce this by raping any women in our office post 8pm unless we get them permissions from the Labour Department. We will rape random citizens to help you remember.


This is the first phase. Information of the next phase soon to follow. In the meanwhile, stick to daylight work.

Thank you.

P C Mean

Senior Asshole Extraordinaire


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