A Life in Clothes – Why now?

I don’t have secrets. They take up too much brain power. I just have so much vivid detail that everything seems like discovering a secret. At the same time, I had never bothered to lay it all out like this. Good choices, bad choices, suffering, glory, all.

I did it now, because I realized that I have a deep clarity on the impact of various gender dynamics in my life. Most people experience this, but don’t have the clarity to say, this, this, this and it was like this for me. The real impact of so many factors of our environment is experienced, rarely acknowledged. I realized that I had the ability to do this.

Each person has a story. Clothes are identity.

Initially, the series began as a defiant contempt for the lecherous comments about the slutwalk and women in general. It was a statement. Here I am. Plenty to leer at, plenty of vulnerabilities all mapped out so you know where it hurts. Saving you the fucking effort. Go ahead. I survived this shit, I’m not even going to be swatting at you. Look all you like, think all you like, say all you like, because it doesn’t matter. I have a life. Been there, done that. T-Shirt didn’t survive life.

You aren’t doing anything unique, and if you think your grand leer will be etched in memory so that I’ll think of your face every time I choose a shirt… hahaha good one. Next joke. No, you don’t tell one more, you were the joke. Next lecher please.

But intimacy has a way of softening everything, even intimacy with self. Dignity begins with awareness. Awareness comes from learning. No one is born mature. Indian men in particular have very, very deep rooted conditioning about their superiority and about their right to judge women. They are obnoxious when they are crude. But are they intentionally evil, or simply getting kicks out of what they misguidedly think is stupidity?

An extreme form of this stupidity gets criminal. Lives shatter. But it takes living to understand the impact on that larger picture or microscopic individual beyond right-wrong, “they deserved it” or “I’m not like that”. It isn’t about any one or ten of us. It is the world we co-create.

I know for a fact, that it was incredibly stupid for a 16 year old to have a goal for finding a man and getting married at 18 simply to get out of her parents home. Would I have listened to anyone calling it stupid? No. My thought processes had me wrapped in thinking that that was my way out. It took years of living and introspection to admit that, even to myself. It wasn’t wrong, per se. Just one choice, when I had better possibilities of responding. They weren’t visible to me then.

We all do silly things we grow out of. Sometimes we never grow out of them. They are our choices and our mistakes to make. Our life to live.

I see the lecherous comments like that. I don’t think shaming these men, or challenging them is useful. They have their convictions, and it is where they are in their life learning. Arguing doesn’t change opinions. New insight does. No one is born perfect, no one achieves it even at death.

There is a Jungian concept called the Shadow Aspect. To put it for the lay man, we understand the world through a filter of our own thoughts. Its like the four blind men and the elephant. A woman in a dress can be sexy, shameless, fat, professional, slutty, caring, intelligent…… all or none of the above, depending on what’s going on in your mind. You recognize what you have a mental concept for. When we criticize something, demean something all we achieve is exposing our thought processes.

With enough people with similar dirt, it may look acceptable, but that doesn’t change the fact that its your shit in your brain. No one has an ambition to be bad. They are all doing the best with the cards they have. You may succeed in insulting a woman for your demons. The demons are still yours. Pointing endless women invading your world with things you don’t allow yourself.

When a woman lives surrounded by judgments, I think, it doesn’t make a dent on her awareness to be part of a massive crowd to know someone is watching the crowd and mentally masturbating, or whatever the commenters intend.

I would say to the assorted judgment parade, and specifically to the crude lobby, be there. Be there to stare, be there to cheer, be there thinking its useless, be there thinking its stupid women trivializing some profound shit, be there to marvel at the number of sluts in the world, or be there to be horrified at what the world is coming to. Whatever. History is happening. Its a moment of awareness. Be a part of it. It will validate your opinions, or give you food for thought.

Live and discover. Its the way of life.

The Series is in five parts:

• A life in clothes – Part 1: Childhood
• A Life in Clothes – Part 2 : Teenage
• A Life in Clothes – Part 3 : The World of Men
• A Life in Clothes – Part 4 : My Terms
• A Life in Clothes – Part 5 : Shehari