Learning from DGP V Dinesh Reddy

Ah… it is that time of the year when pesky women wear tantalizing clothes and the poor section of the human population infected with penises is helpless to prevent said penises dragging them onto rape scenes.

Andhra Pradesh director general of police (DGP) V. Dinesh Reddy is the latest to take a hallowed place of honor to raise awareness about these little understood appendages that attach themselves to a significant part of the population and drag its victims onto crime scenes, spoiling the lives and reputations of these innocents immeasurably.

Cutting edge research points to a potentially lethal combination of the sight of skin (without hair to cover it) combined with ingestion of our traditional aphrosodiac food leading to short circuits in neurons that allow aliens to take control of the mind of the victim of the penis, leading to short term memory loss and a propensity to rape.

The food is particularly concerning, since common food used for people of all ages and genders seems to be causing adverse reactions in some people afflicted with penises.

Considering the widespread worldwide epidemic of penises, he salutes all women in the world for carefully controlling the stimulus and food of these victims so that most of them are able to live somewhat legal lives in spite of this great affliction. It is not easy to create carefully controlled circumstances for over half the population, but he hopes that the few penile hijackings still happening can be controlled if the women really try.

However, another problem is on the horizon. Some of these penises have mutated and misfire on sight of the hairless skin of young children. While it is true that the profound wisdom of Dinesh Reddy can be applied to them too, it is proving to be a little too complicated for brain deficient humans. Can someone help?

We are stuck on adapting:

“When you are taking food which gives good josh, as time goes you tend to be more naughty… Rapes and all cannot be controlled by police. And people are turning out to be more fashionable. Even the villagers are wearing salwar-kameez from coastal Andhra villages where it used to be very traditional. All these things provoke these type of things, which is not in control of the police… So rapes per se increase or decrease, you cannot attribute to the police.”

This needs to be done in a child-friendly format so that very small kids can understand and protect men from penises too. Preverbal will be great, as some of these naughty, provocative kids begin really early… like a month or two… they really need to be up to date on careful protection of the men.

But we aren’t entirely stupid or lazy. We have already adapted

Particularly on rape to a query by press, DGP has said one of the factors is the provoking dress which is being worn as present day fashion for which police has no control.

to

Particularly on pedophilia to a query by press, DGP has said one of the factors is the provoking dress which is being worn as present day fashion for which police has no control.

A pious traditional women’s organization has offered the support of their numerous volunteers to spread awareness on these teachings in homes and schools.

Other feminist organizations have also come up with helpful suggestions to save these victims of penile hijackings. Suggestions range from castration to installing boards with holes every few meters in public areas. Others have suggested that victims of penises be strictly restricted to a bland diet. A third suggestion suggests blinding extreme cases and putting blinkers on mild ones to prevent unintended exposure.

Details unclear, but a delegation will be meeting the president soon (most people lower on the scale themselves are victims). Feel free to add suggestions so that we can protect a large part of our population from being hijacked by alien appendages and used as weapons against us.

Note: This is a piece of satire based on a true incident (quotes attributed to the DGP are real) of yet another instance of women being blamed for rapes.