Vidyut’s List of Ministers

Was just thinking about what kind of “ministers” we need to have…. and came up with this spoof list. Many of it aren’t even politicians, ok?

Also note that the meanings of a few Ministries may have been mangled beyond their original definitions. Couldn’t resist.

It is more like a list of people whom I admire on various subjects. They may not even be Indians. Many of these are personal acquaintances and not people, so I’ll give explanations.

The list is not complete, so keep dropping in. Feel free to make suggestions in the comments or post links to your own lists 

Prime Minister: Chhavi Rajawat (sorry, Soda, India needs your Sarpanch). Why? Where do I begin? She quit Airtel… wait! There’s more. She wears jeans, has an MBA and rural background, believes in innovation and growth and doing with aid rather than doles. She rides horses, a tractor, runs a hotel – in other words, understands having to work for a living, rural life, global connections. India doesn’t have a single young, modern woman leader in politics – which is a considerable size of our working population. Was breath of fresh air to hear that she spoke to the UN wearing jeans. Besides, nothing like having a no-nonsense, rhetoric free woman leader at the helm to see change on our country being the fourth worst in the world for women. Also, she’s not interested in politics – which is an excellent reason why she should come in.

Ministry of Personnel, Public Grievances and Pensions: Sitaram Yechuri – he seems to be the only one still listening.

Ministry of Planning:

Department of Atomic Energy: Rahul Gandhi. I’m fine with it moving real slow. In fact, if it slowly dwindles to a stop… I’ll pay him for that :p

Department of Space: Pliss to import Donald Petitt from USA – Reverse brain drain is fair. He is a NASA astronaut and the one who discovered that water makes a film in space (unlike on earth) and his incredible series of science in space. I figure there are plenty of “brains” to figure out the working aspects of things and a minister ought to have a vision greater than that.

Minister of Finance:

Minister of Agriculture and Food Processing Industries:

Minister of Defence: Shiv Aroor – defense journalist, excellent analytical brain (unlike some), no loyalties to people – will question whatever, however needed. Strong sense of ethics. Not bloodthirsty, not squeamish …. I think he will not accept kickbacks if offered. Maybe he’ll write about them though.

Minister of Home Affairs:

Minister of Railways:

Minister of External Affairs: Narendra Modi – I had first thought he would be good for agriculture, which desperately needs a revolution, but his China visit convinced him that he has excellent ability on this front. Also bypasses him having to deal with general junta till they see his value and like him more in next elections. I mean, seriously, who wouldn’t vote for someone who can fix our outstanding issues with China? NaMo has the skills to do it.

Minister of Micro, Small and Medium EnterprisesArunachalam Muruganantham – the guy who innovated for cheap sanitary napkins. He understands innovation, enterprise and the mindset that changes the world.

Minister of Earth Sciences:

Minister of Science and Technology: Arvind Gupta – accessible science. Nurturing thinking, doing, experimenting. Check out his site to know what I mean (absolute must if you are a parent) http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/toys.html

Minister of Health and Family Welfare: This tweep called @dremtee on Twitter – Dr. Madhup Thakur – curious mind, lively but not noisy personality, genuine caring and interest in people, knowledge driven.

Minister of Power: Mayawati – unless someone proves corruption. She has a more integrated view (if not wildly popular) about taking India along on the victory parade. Elephant will be useful to ride on too.

Minister of Corporate Affairs: Tweep called @sonaliranade. On the loop on current affairs, understands business, also cares enough about the others to not ride roughshod through exploitation and such.

Minister of New and Renewable Energy:

Minister of Petroleum and Natural Gas: Kapil Sibal – he can also manufacture.

Minister of Urban Development:

Minister of Overseas Indian Affairs: Sunny Singh. Writer, tweep, blogger. Insightful person with high emotional intelligence and willingness to see solutions rather than point fingers. Perceptive about diverse cultures. At the same time sees through bullshit clearly and has no compunctions making a stand.

Ministry of Steel:

Minister of Drinking Water and Sanitation: Arundhati Roy. She has ideas. She cares. She is bold enough to get this show out of the rut it has been parked in. Besides, I know water will not get privatized with her in the driving seat.

Minister of Rural Development: P. Sainath

Minister of Information and Broadcasting: Sunil Abraham for the internet related world – @sunil_abraham on Twitter – he understands the value of information and safeguarding it – both safeguarding freedom, and safeguarding security and more. @nixxin for regular media. Including ethics of journalism and preventing paid media and such things.

Minister of Labour and Employment:

Minister of Human Resource Development: Kiran Manral – founder of India helps. Resourceful, insightful, empathetic without making a monument out of it. EFFECTIVE.

Minister of Communications and Information Technology:

Minister of Textiles: Someone who actually understands textiles and the process of making with hands on experience. No candidates, but these requirements.

Minister of Commerce and Industry: Azim Premji – Unlikely to be impressed, tempted or bullied by power brokers.

Minister of Road Transport and Highways: Raj Thackeray. I so relate with his view of corrupt contractors building inferior roads, minting money, etc etc. Forget where I read – contractors make shoddy repairs so that they can get new contracts soon. They are cheating the common man. I hope with the power as a minister he doesn’t need to still go around bashing people. He can get cops to do it for him! I bet these contractor thugs will reduce remarkably.

Minister of Housing and Urban Poverty Alleviation: Atul Kanji – because he has great ideas, compassion and works to do them instead of twiddling thumbs.

Minister of Culture:

Minister of Tourism: Shailesh Pande of the ALAKH fame. He has an idea on travel, and things worth seeing beyond those already prepackaged and sold ad nauseaum and managing just fine.

Minister of Shipping:

Minister of Water Resources: Medha Patkar – she’ll save them for our kids AND bring up alternatives that are far more ecofriendly, less wasteful and very effective instead of the current thoughtless mega-ness happening.

Minister of Parliamentary Affairs: Joydas. He will cut the lot down to size and declutter the bullshit. Not to mention news ought to become far more witty.

Minister of Panchayati Raj and Minister of Tribal Affairs: No candidates yet, but they’d damn well be Rural (as in zero owned accommodation in any urban area) and Tribal respectively (by birth, not fake, like me).

Minister of Chemicals and Fertilizers: Digvijay Singh for fertilizers. Organic is better. Will come up with someone for chemicals.

Ministry of Coal: Kunal Majumder. Not because he has any special skills about coal, but he understands the prevailing conditions and such somewhat, and is one rock solid guy we can count on for coming down on exploitative elements like a ton of bricks. He already does. The ministry label will give weight to the ton of bricks  – may change. Many things need his brand of integrity.

Minister of Minority Affairs: Sushma Swaraj – cares about the state not overwhelming everything in its path. Not certain though.

Minister of Law and Justice: Subramanian Swamy

Ministry of Heavy Industries & Public Enterprises: APJ Abdul Kalam. He has an idea of what it takes without getting dazzled into sheeplike following.

Minister of Civil Aviation: Shiv Aroor

In addition to these, I will have:

Ministry of Constructive criticism whose job is to stalk the public space and collect useful feedback and forward to ministries as appropriate.

Court Jesters – 4 of them at least. They have to write nothing, take responsibility for nothing, cannot be prosecuted for ANYTHING they say – job qualifications – understanding of the country, unfailing sense of humor, sharp sense of wit, cutting sarcasm, willingness to rock boats, kick ass and take names. Candidates you suggest?

A few other ministries are planned. Will update.

This is an initial rough sketch kind of thing – too much thinking to write in one go. Many vacancies, but this is too much thinking for one go :p Feel free to add your comments, suggestions… and let’s nail this parliament to the last millimeter of perfection.

Try and find outstanding people with ethics that would contribute to India.

Join the Intellectual Anarchy!

About the Author

Vidyut
Vidyut is a blogger on issues of National interest. Staunch advocate of rights, learning and freedoms. @Vidyut

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