Show your feelingsMany people say smile a lot and people will like you. That is true. Most people enjoy being around cheerful people, but what about when you are not happy? I think, its okay to share that too. This is different from cribbing or complaining. You can simply express that you are unhappy, if that is your truth in the moment and it shows that you trust the person you are with with your feelings. It also shows that you are confident enough of yourself to not need masks. It invites people to be themselves with you. However, if you crib and blame people, the listner feels uncomfortable. Their intention was not to cause you trouble or worse, be the trigger that reminds you of unpleasant things. When people share feelings, offer company, acknowledge it. Share how they impact you. If their expression reaches you, they like you. If their words don’t register, they feel irrelevant.
Be multi-facetedEasy to say I know. It depends on person to person. Some people are multifaceted by nature, others learn. Discover new interests and present your different interests as different parts of your personality when you interact. For example: if you like playing games on the computer and reading, don’t think you’re a nobody. Know the games and books you enjoy the most. Know the qualitites you like in them when discovering new ones, and it will reflect in your speech. Be aware of what holds meaning for you, and explore it and your presence will bring meaning.
The value of silence is highly underestimatedI think a lot of people like me because I can be comfortable and let them be comfortable too when there is nothing to say. My attention is on them, with them and yet, there is no compulsion to speak unless there is something to say. This is good if you want to keep people interested in you long time. Sometimes, being able to just be, without being required to “perform” is what the relationship needs.
Value interactionsPeople are different. They think, dress, act, talk differently and differences are bound to happen. If you can recognise those as the happy by-product of your acquaintance and be willing to let the other perspectives exist without needing to demolish them, people will be more inclined to share their feelings with you. This also means that they will enjoy being with you.
Have trivia to shareNot as an agenda, but things you noticed and enjoyed – the point is the sharing of interesting things you have, not manufacturing something to seem interesting. Notice the world and happenings and have interesting bits to share with people that are relevant to their interests. Don’t impose the latest make-up range with a mountaineer and benifits of organic manure with a computer geek. See if what you’re saying has relevance in their world and you may surprise yourself with how much you expand yourself too – by being alive to another.
Do not chase approvalYou cannot please everyone. And if you are a person who influences others, then remember that change is rarely pleasant. Change unsettles people. Be congruent and transparent and people will trust you because of it. This is not the same thing as being popular. The person who everyone likes to party with is not necessarily the same person whose opinions are seeked when making decisions. A person who influences decisions is one whose intention is clear and useful and who is transparent and trustworthy. This post is from an old email to someone who wanted to know.
Founder at Aam Janata
Vidyut has a keen interest in mass psychology and using it as a lens to understand contemporary politics, social inequality and other dynamics of power within the country. She is also into Linux and internet applications and servers and has sees technology as an important area India lacks security in.
Latest posts by Vidyut (see all)
- Checking the latest provisional data from the Election Commission of India (with map) - June 8, 2019
- Comparison of Constituency-level “votes polled” & “votes counted” data #GeneralElections2019 #InteractiveMap - June 5, 2019
- A scathing indictment of the once respected, now suspected Election Commission of India - June 5, 2019