Domestic Violence – Changes needed

Ok. So I have some time now. And I have things I want to say. Wake up now, or be jolted awake. High voltage coming up 😀
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Violence Against Women Awareness month. I want us to take this very seriously. Data indicates India is a shitty place to be a woman in.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Women in India are severely burdened under expectations. They are routinely mistreated. Property. Not people.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Before you jump up “not me, not me” listen up. This isn’t about you. This is about a society unfriendly to women’s dignity, safety, freedom.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
And, if every time women’s rights are mentioned, and you feel compelled to ask what about men’s rights, I want you to ask yourself why.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
But, that is for another day. Today’s subject is domestic violence. I want to talk about options women have.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
It is extremely common for a woman to suffer violence at home. And, it is a subject everyone is deeply uncomfortable with.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
There is a collusion in society to pretend that nothing bad happens, and there are only success stories. There is shame in admitting bad.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
So, if a woman suffers from abuse, even her well wishers recommend she keep quiet so that she doesn’t lose respect among people.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
I have spoken of emotional abuse right here on Twitter. Often. Each time, there are several people who ask me to refrain “for my good”
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Let me be clear right here. The contract of any relationship – by birth, by marriage – does not include abuse. Intimacy is not abuse.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Privacy is not abuse. Abuse is an attack on safety. Nor does the shame belong to the victim. It is a crime. Simple.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Today, and this month, I’d like to really look at what women can reasonably expect to do if in a bad and dangerous situation in life.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
In most circumstances, a victim of violence can expect very little outside interference. But there are options. And options need created.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
There needs to be greater support for a woman walking out of a bad and dangerous home. Legally, socially and in terms of facilities.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Some things I want to see more of that I’d like you to think about.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
1. There is a desperate need for people witnessing or suspecting abuse and violence in particular to stop being polite and interfere.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
2. Very often, police “talk sense” to abusive people rather than remove victims from the home. Victims must be removed from danger.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
3. Either victims must be removed from danger, or perpetrators must be arrested. Separation of abuser and victim should be basic process
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
4. For this to be possible, it is important that we have safe houses for women in distress. Without them, the cops have no teeth
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
5. Safe houses with systems in place to encourage confidentiality and rehabilitate women needing to escape abusive situations are key.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
6. Helpline numbers of support for domestic violence victims must be clearly published and promoted, so that women know.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
7. Taboos around divorce and social shaming must be confronted and defeated. There is no shame in leaving a situation that is bad for you.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Have some more ideas, but they aren’t tweets yet. In the meanwhile, let’s see what ya’ll have got. Bring it on.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
8. There needs to be a severe look by censor boards at soap operas that encourage suffering silently by the “good” woman as a role model.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
9. Social advice for women needs to change. The next time a woman speaks up, encourage her, understand, offer help. Don’t shut her up.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
10. More efforts need to be made at encouraging women to use safe houses, social worker interventions and friends when they need help.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Read this article for practical tips on what you can do, even without breaking social norms (mostly) http://bit.ly/mOu29G
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Most important thing to change is the reaction of “not my business” that domestic abuse gets
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
It is your business to fight domestic abuse, because the statistics name YOUR country as a lousy place for women.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
While most people hesitate to make a scene, abuse going unchallenged gives it power because it creates the illusion of social sanction.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Most people who have suffered violence at home react by avoiding triggering the abuser in the future. They need visible options, not fear.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Speaking out is very freeing. Difficult to do, but once done, all that energy spent in shame and loneliness is freed @SellingViolets
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Made my day! RT @harishvr9: @Vidyut I ve a sister and after going thru ur blog, realize a lot of things later 🙂 thanks 🙂
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
I pick up male issues too. Did you miss me a few days ago on men being groped/violated and stereotypes etc? @VenuSpeak
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
One needs to look carefully at what makes us divert attention from support and power for women and demand it for men instead. Look deep. Why
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
We have deep unconscious norms over “how much” we allow women. Then, we steer them to a more appropriate hierarchy. Attention is power.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Some excellent advice and insights from @sellingviolets
@Vidyut 1. Recognise the pattern. Every abuser has a pattern. 2. Stop falling for the apology. Every abuser hits, apologises, makes up, hits
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
@Vidyut 3. Stop making excuses for him. It’s not his parents, his work, bad influence, stress, money. It’s him. Accept it
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
@Vidyut 5. Be financially stable before you walk. If ur a housewife it means finding a job, a nanny. Don’t depend on family for support
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
@Vidyut 6. Trust yourself. People will call you mad, whacko, slander you. It’s the first thing they do. You have to live with being hit
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
@Vidyut 7. Forgive. If you can’t forgive, you can’t let go. You will keep going back. To teach a lesson, to seek closure. Its never coming
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
@Vidyut never hide your wounds. Tell someone. They may not understand, or believe, tell anyway. Document it if you can stand to
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
@Vidyut 9. No one gets it. Don’t expect them to. If u leave, leave for yourself. Not to prove a pt to anyone. You can’t sustain it if you do
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
@Vidyut 10. Hold on to your worst memory of being hit/abused. Use it to remind yourself why you can never go back. Keep going.
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
@Vidyut Never retaliate. It makes it worse and genetically this is one fight you can’t win. Like for wildlife, be prey to a predator.
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011

 

Join the Intellectual Anarchy!

About the Author

Vidyut
Vidyut is a blogger on issues of National interest. Staunch advocate of rights, learning and freedoms. @Vidyut

There are no comments

Join the conversation

Your email address will not be published.



  
Please enter an e-mail address

Contact information || Privacy information || Archives