Domestic Violence – Changes needed

β€œ Ok. So I have some time now. And I have things I want to say. Wake up now, or be jolted awake. High voltage coming up πŸ˜€
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Violence Against Women Awareness month. I want us to take this very seriously. Data indicates India is a shitty place to be a woman in.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Women in India are severely burdened under expectations. They are routinely mistreated. Property. Not people.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Before you jump up “not me, not me” listen up. This isn’t about you. This is about a society unfriendly to women’s dignity, safety, freedom.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ And, if every time women’s rights are mentioned, and you feel compelled to ask what about men’s rights, I want you to ask yourself why.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ But, that is for another day. Today’s subject is domestic violence. I want to talk about options women have.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ It is extremely common for a woman to suffer violence at home. And, it is a subject everyone is deeply uncomfortable with.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ There is a collusion in society to pretend that nothing bad happens, and there are only success stories. There is shame in admitting bad.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ So, if a woman suffers from abuse, even her well wishers recommend she keep quiet so that she doesn’t lose respect among people.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ I have spoken of emotional abuse right here on Twitter. Often. Each time, there are several people who ask me to refrain “for my good”
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Let me be clear right here. The contract of any relationship – by birth, by marriage – does not include abuse. Intimacy is not abuse.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Privacy is not abuse. Abuse is an attack on safety. Nor does the shame belong to the victim. It is a crime. Simple.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Today, and this month, I’d like to really look at what women can reasonably expect to do if in a bad and dangerous situation in life.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ In most circumstances, a victim of violence can expect very little outside interference. But there are options. And options need created.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ There needs to be greater support for a woman walking out of a bad and dangerous home. Legally, socially and in terms of facilities.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Some things I want to see more of that I’d like you to think about.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 1. There is a desperate need for people witnessing or suspecting abuse and violence in particular to stop being polite and interfere.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 2. Very often, police “talk sense” to abusive people rather than remove victims from the home. Victims must be removed from danger.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 3. Either victims must be removed from danger, or perpetrators must be arrested. Separation of abuser and victim should be basic process
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 4. For this to be possible, it is important that we have safe houses for women in distress. Without them, the cops have no teeth
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 5. Safe houses with systems in place to encourage confidentiality and rehabilitate women needing to escape abusive situations are key.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 6. Helpline numbers of support for domestic violence victims must be clearly published and promoted, so that women know.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 7. Taboos around divorce and social shaming must be confronted and defeated. There is no shame in leaving a situation that is bad for you.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Have some more ideas, but they aren’t tweets yet. In the meanwhile, let’s see what ya’ll have got. Bring it on.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 8. There needs to be a severe look by censor boards at soap operas that encourage suffering silently by the “good” woman as a role model.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 9. Social advice for women needs to change. The next time a woman speaks up, encourage her, understand, offer help. Don’t shut her up.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ 10. More efforts need to be made at encouraging women to use safe houses, social worker interventions and friends when they need help.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Read this article for practical tips on what you can do, even without breaking social norms (mostly) http://bit.ly/mOu29G
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Most important thing to change is the reaction of “not my business” that domestic abuse gets
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ It is your business to fight domestic abuse, because the statistics name YOUR country as a lousy place for women.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ While most people hesitate to make a scene, abuse going unchallenged gives it power because it creates the illusion of social sanction.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Most people who have suffered violence at home react by avoiding triggering the abuser in the future. They need visible options, not fear.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Speaking out is very freeing. Difficult to do, but once done, all that energy spent in shame and loneliness is freed @SellingViolets
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ Made my day! RT @harishvr9: @Vidyut I ve a sister and after going thru ur blog, realize a lot of things later πŸ™‚ thanks πŸ™‚
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ I pick up male issues too. Did you miss me a few days ago on men being groped/violated and stereotypes etc? @VenuSpeak
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ One needs to look carefully at what makes us divert attention from support and power for women and demand it for men instead. Look deep. Why
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
β€œ We have deep unconscious norms over “how much” we allow women. Then, we steer them to a more appropriate hierarchy. Attention is power.
Vidyut
October 1, 2011
Some excellent advice and insights from @sellingviolets
β€œ @Vidyut 1. Recognise the pattern. Every abuser has a pattern. 2. Stop falling for the apology. Every abuser hits, apologises, makes up, hits
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
β€œ @Vidyut 3. Stop making excuses for him. It’s not his parents, his work, bad influence, stress, money. It’s him. Accept it
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
β€œ @Vidyut 5. Be financially stable before you walk. If ur a housewife it means finding a job, a nanny. Don’t depend on family for support
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
β€œ @Vidyut 6. Trust yourself. People will call you mad, whacko, slander you. It’s the first thing they do. You have to live with being hit
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
β€œ @Vidyut 7. Forgive. If you can’t forgive, you can’t let go. You will keep going back. To teach a lesson, to seek closure. Its never coming
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
β€œ @Vidyut never hide your wounds. Tell someone. They may not understand, or believe, tell anyway. Document it if you can stand to
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
β€œ @Vidyut 9. No one gets it. Don’t expect them to. If u leave, leave for yourself. Not to prove a pt to anyone. You can’t sustain it if you do
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
β€œ @Vidyut 10. Hold on to your worst memory of being hit/abused. Use it to remind yourself why you can never go back. Keep going.
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011
β€œ @Vidyut Never retaliate. It makes it worse and genetically this is one fight you can’t win. Like for wildlife, be prey to a predator.
SellingViolets
October 1, 2011

 

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Vidyut
Vidyut is a blogger on issues of National interest. Staunch advocate of rights, learning and freedoms. @Vidyut

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