- A woman will have to fight very, very hard to get her stand accepted as a decision, something a man will be able to shake with a careless word.
- Observe who was the last person to speak in favor of a certain action before it got adopted, and you will know who holds the string of the group.
- A single woman disagreeing in a group is likely to be ignored. A single man disagreeing in a group is likely to be convinced.
- Women are cannon-fodder. In a high risk situation, a woman are likely to be the leaders, till more is known, and men takes over with “expertise”.
- When members of the group are speaking to a group, check their eyes to know who they are speaking to. Likely male.
Quick Quiz: For a man to wear feminine clothing is an undermining of his mascilinity, so, for a woman to wear masculine clothing is…. what? Speak louder, I can’t hear you!I venture to say here, that somewhere in our minds, we associate the male with power and influence. Our so called liberation is also another subjugation by deeming the feminine not good enough in terms of betterment in life. Think of all the women of power that you admire. Imagine them. What do you notice? Is it anything feminine? Or is it the successful integration of masculine traits? Many women are deeply disturbed when I say this. They are the ones still fighting a failing struggle for their femininity. They still haven’t pushed their instinctive responses far enough back in their mind to forget them altogether. Words like this make them feel a sense of helpless loss. [From an email]
“All this struggle to become equals…. its false, isn’t it? We are only struggling among ourselves to become better than other women at aping men.”Our gold standard is men. Ambitions of women empowerment begin and end with measuring them against men. Same rights, same privileges, same freedoms, etc etc. As though there is something to be envied about the largely insecure and increasingly incompetent male population these days. I don’t hate men. Love them in fact, but I don’t believe they are paragons, and I am not blind to the emotional challenge to the whole masculine identity that “development” brings. They are as insecure as we are, because of these same facades. What we get overruled for, they get overburdened with. Everyone in over their heads. Low honesty. Lots of defensive judgments of others, particularly for being different. The problems happen when this inherent bias gets exploited to harm women because the odds then really get stacked against the women. Which is why, even when we are all humans, have emotions, feelings, etc the list of injustices against women for being women far outdistances injustices against men for being men. A mistaken war of genders starts, where men oppose attempts to create space for justice by magnifying their own experienced suffering. this is as much an attempt to relate as feeling ignored, but it serves to sabotage the well being of women, because these objections too come with the bias heavily supporting the man’s word. Hurt men feel victimized, and abusers enjoy the screen. Other times, people mistakenly attempt to create justice by setting “equal” standards. This is of course trying to create for women, the “gold” standard of men. In the times of my life when I was able to set my own standards of what would be good and right in my life, I achieved exceptional things. I led a nomadic life, I had affairs, I lived in the high Himalaya, bred horses, trekked in exotic lands, healed animals, I did all kinds of things men wouldn’t have dreamed of. If my ambition was to arrive at that gold standard, I’d have missed out on a lot. When our goals are our own, there is no insecurity, because they are real, meaningful, and look doable from where we stand, because they are measured in effort, not result. Our relationships prosper. No longer is another woman quietly measured in a race for power. No longer is a man someone to win the approval of. Someone today called me a feminist. It is as appropriate as calling me an atheist. As a compliment, both are equally irrelevant, because they talk of things I’m not interested in. If it comes to being on the side of an issue, that is where I am. Normally? No. A kind of enemy’s enemy is my friend? No! I’m not against either God or Man. Let them do what they will. My purpose emerges from within me. I’m free. By free, I don’t mean that I never fall into this unconscious subjugation. Of course I do, like every other person, unless they grew on some island alone. By free, I mean that by acknowledging it, by accepting it, I free myself to unhesitatingly accept when I do it, and if it is dysfunctional, I am able to move on without feeling “wrong”. I find that men are often much more tuned to femininity than women are. Possibly because they are interested in women, and not men. In many ways men suffer this progress more, because they are the gold standard, but their world is increasingly cracked in many places. The overt, spectacular privilige of being a man, of receiving unquestioning service and nurture is eroding, but they are privileged still – only in ways that don’t feel enough. They don’t FEEL privileged. I have lost count of the number of men who speak less than happily about modern trends in thought for women, which is a caveman thought on a superficial level, but on an experiential level, there is little of the feminine self to gravitate to. In their words, I hear deprivation and abandonment under those sarcastic, defensive layers of protection of their vulnerability. What does it mean to be a man, if no woman with awareness of her womanhood is around? And men are going through challenging times. Not only do the women do whatever they want, they wear whatever they want, get maternal leave without scolding, earn and contribute to household incomes as much if not more, are fine managing their kitchens, and can speak their needs easily. Their traditional role is changed, but the measures of self-worth remain and are increasingly taken to higher standards. So here’s the deal. I am hoping for more freedom for women.. After being overtly suppressed for centuries, it is natural, but not necessary to spend another while quietly imitating in order to feel empowered. Its like the Elephant, who as a calf was tied with a string and as an adult was perfectly capable of breaking the string, but believed that it was his limit. Please note before you argue that village women suffer a lot, etc. This article is specifically speaking of women in a certain “development hit” environment, where their potential to celebrate the opportunities available to them is vastly undermined by the assumptions still caging them in. But the circumstances are certainly there.
Founder at Aam Janata
Vidyut has a keen interest in mass psychology and using it as a lens to understand contemporary politics, social inequality and other dynamics of power within the country. She is also into Linux and internet applications and servers and has sees technology as an important area India lacks security in.
Latest posts by Vidyut (see all)
- Open letter to the Chief Justice of India - April 13, 2019
- Nationwide Protest by NREGA workers #NREGASangharshMorcha - March 2, 2019
- Repression of Activists cannot stop the second Kisan Long March - February 16, 2019